Making chicken broccoli 😀 … this year didn’t start off so bad so far lol

Making chicken …

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Sometimes

Sometimes I feel like giving up. There seem to be no point of working so hard for this dream of mine. Is it even worth it? Will it take me anywhere? Will I regret it?

So many thoughts surrounds it. But when I think of giving up I just crave it even more.

I can’t give up. I want to make it big. I want to do some big project and tell myself yes, I did it. It was my hard work and I finally achieved it.

I really hope Allah isn’t disappointed in me for this. I don’t know if Shoitan is doing this to me or if it’s because of Allah’s well. Maybe I am suppose to learn something at the end. But I hope I don’t regret it. I don’t want to do anything to upset Allah or my family too much. I just want to get somewhere with hard work, restriction and limit.

Lesson Learned! January 30th, 2014

Today was not a pleasant day. Yesterday I found out that i booked a one of my casting from last week after being on hold and today i was suppose to have to shoot. My call time was at 12:45 and i was suppose to take the bus from the port authority station. Took the Q train there and had to walk around a lot to get to port authority and when i finally did i didn’t know where to get the ticket. Had to ask someone and got the ticket at 11:55 with five minutes to get to the bus gate and take the bus. I didn’t know where the bus was. Went to the bottom floor first and then ask someone and they said the bus is on 4th floor. rushed to 4th floor but by the time i got there was 12:04 and the bus just left. Was freaking out. called my manager but she didn’t pick up my call and then call the production and they were trying to figure things out. texted my manager and she replied back and she was really upset. Thought i could take the second bus which was leaving at 12:30. when it was 12:20 the production called me and told me they are not going to use me anymore since i missed the bus. they are already behind so there’s no reason for me to go anymore. They will consider me for future project but for this one they aren’t going to use me anymore. It was divesting. My manger got really angry with me, was yelling at me saying i ruined her name and the agencies name. that she was very disappointed in me, that the production was yelling at her, calling her irresponsible. It all turned out really awful and i feel horrible about it. But i can’t change anything. All I can do is learn from my mistake and never be late again, God forbid it!!  

I didn’t book anything the whole week. it was great that i booked my casting among so many other models and talents and i screwed up. I spend more money than i make. Its really a terribly sad story. It was my fault. I screwed up. I don’t know what else to do but feel bad and learn from it.

The 8 Things You Don’t Need To Stress Out About In Your 20s

1. The Unchangeable

Things that have already happened are occurrences of the past, things that cannot be reversed or altered. There’s no reason to linger on the unchangeable. The only thing you can do is learn from your past experiences and take the lessons as they come. Carry that information with you into future endeavors and see how your past can positively affect your present or future.


2. Other People’s Opinions

People are always going to gossip, no matter what, so you may as well give them something to talk about, right? Who cares what people have to say about you if you are pleased with the decisions you are making?


3. Keeping Up With The Joneses

Most people have heard this expression before. If not, it’s the comparison of your social status to your neighbor’s. For example, maybe you can’t afford to go out to dinner with your friends as often as you would like, or perhaps your roommate comes home with a new clothing item multiple times per week and you envy his or her ability to spend frivolously. Don’t fixate on the lives of others; be only concerned with your own. Not everyone is on the same page in life, especially in our 20s.


4. Gossip

The only people who gossip are those whose personal lives are not fulfilling. If you are happy and content with your life, why do you even care what is going on in someone else’s? There is no reason to engage in such petty behavior. Stick to your own path, and don’t concern yourself with someone else’s journey.


5. Living Up To Family Expectations

Obviously your parents are extremely important to you; they are the people who stood behind you and supported you, both emotionally and financially, throughout the years. It makes complete and perfect sense to want to please them, but in actuality, they are a completely different generation, one with different ideas of success. It’s okay if they don’t understand your motives and goals right now; eventually they will and they will learn to support you just as they have up to this point.


6. Comparing Yourself To Your Friends

The only person you should compare yourself to is your previous self. No two people are alike and why would you want to be anyone but yourself, anyway? Everyone has the exact same amount of hours in a day; the difference is how you choose to spend them. If you don’t like how things are for you right now, you have all the power to change it. Actively comparing yourself to other people is the last thing that is ever going to change your situation.


7. What Your Ex Thinks About You

Honestly, who cares? Your ex is your ex — aka, he or she is out of your life. You cannot consume yourself with thoughts of another person who bears no relevance in your life any longer. Do you; don’t concern yourself with things of this nature. They are in your past. By occupying yourself with these detrimental thoughts, you are only preventing yourself progressing.


8. Where You’re Going To Be In 10 Years

Of course it’s important to plan for your future, but honestly, how can you even predict where you’re going to be years from now? Who knows what will happen over the course of your life between now and so many years from now? Situations can arise that completely throw you off the course you planned for yourself. Changes are cause for re-routing your path. The most important things to focus on are your present circumstances and making the best out of what you currently have.

Love ?

Why do we put such priority in finding love, wanting to be loved, and wanting love in our lives. I don’t get it. Even when you try to tell yourself you don’t care, deep down you still want to be loved and want someone to love, get married to and live happily ever after.

You are constantly wondering where is the person you will find true love with. Does he even exist? Or you will never get it. Do you not deserve to get a happy marriage? What’s wrong with you that you can find it but you see people around you are finding the one they want to be with and gets married.

It’s so hard to stay positive and patient sometimes that it’s frustrating.

Sadness

Sadness;
They call it the condition or quality of being sad.
Then another question arise;
What is sad?
Being unhappy?
Feeling sorrow?
Dejected?
Depressed?
Misery?
Despair?
Gloom?
Grief?

Heartache?

So many words but still can’t figure it out completely