By: Mufti Faraz al-Mahmudi
Make her feel secure; QUIT BEING AGGRESSIVE!
When you go home say ‘Assalamualikum.’ (Greetings) It kicks the shaitaan out of your home!
Prophet salallahu alahi wasallam described the wife as a fragile vessel and said to take care of this vessel thats fragile. Remember that there is goodness in this vessel so treat it gently.
When you advise her, do so in privacy, in a peaceful environment. NOT IN PUBLIC as its a type of slandering.
Be generous to your wife- it keeps her LOVED
Move and let her have your seat. It will warm her heart.
AVIOD ANGER. HOW? Keep your wudhu at all times. Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said if you are angry, sit down, if you’re sitting, then lie down. Follow the sunnah!
Look good and smell great for your wife. IT keeps the LOVE!
Dont be rigid. It will break you. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said ‘I am the best amongst you and I am the best to my wife’. Being rigid and harsh will not bring you close to Allah and neither does it make you more of a man.
Listen to your wife-BE a GOOD LISTENER
YES to flattering NO to arguing. Arguing is like poison in a marriage. A pious person once said said ‘When Allah wants evil for people He will leave them to argue amongst themselves’.
The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said to call your wives with the best name, any name she loves to hear. Prophet Mohammed salallahu alaihi wasallam called Aisha ‘ya Aa’ish’ as an endearment.
Give her a pleasant surprise. I.e. if she loves watermelon, bring her one out of the blue. It will grow the love in her heart.
Preserve your tongue! Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said the tongue will throw people in the hell fire so watch what you say and how you say it!
All of us have shortcoming. Accept her shortcoming and Allah will put barakah in your marriage.
TELL her you appreciate her. SHOW her you appreciate her.
Encourage her to keep good relation with her relatives and her parents.
Speak with her with a topic of HER interest.
In front of her relative praise her. Confirm/ realise that she is wonderful, and that she is a good person in front of her family.
Give each other gifts. You will love each other more. Gifts increases love.
Get rid of the routine once in a while, surprise her with something, it will get rid of the rust and polish it!
We have a demand from Allah that we have to think good of people. Think good of your spouse.
Ignore some of her mistakes- pretend you did not see/hear some of her small mistakes. Its like putting a hole in your memory. Don’t save it in your memory!
Increase the drops of patience, especially when she is pregnant or when she is on her monthly period.
Expect and respect her jealousy. Even Aisha radiallahu anha used to get jealous.
Be humble. If your profession is good, respect that she is looking after your children, she is much more than you, she is the leader at home, her strength is your strength, and her success is your successes.
Don’t put your friends above your wife.
Help your wife at home. Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam used to help his wives at home and he was the best of creation. He used to sew his own clothes.
Help her respect your parents, you cant force her to love them, but she can be helped to gradually love them.
Show your wife she is the ideal wife.
Remember your wife in your duaas. It will increase the love and protect it.
Leave the past. It brings nothing but pain and grief. Its not your business. The past is for Allah.
Don’t try to show her that you are doing her a favour by doing something, like buying food for the house, because in reality we are the courier of sustenance, not the providers, as Allah is the provider. Its also a way of being humble and thankful to Allah.
Shaitaan is your enemy, not your wife. Sometime when husband and wife are talking a fight breaks out, then shaitaan is present there as a third person so he is the real enemy. It is not enough to hate the shaitaan, but you have to see him as an enemy as Allah has commanded. Shaitaan loves divorce. HE comes everyday and sits office and asks the devils what they have done, some say I have made a person steal, or I have made someone drink etc. And one devil will say I have made a man divorce his wife, and he is crowned as the one who has done the best job.
Take the food and put it in her mouth. Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam) taught us this. Its a blessing. The food doesnt just go to her stomach, but straight to her heart. It increases the love and mercy between you.
Protect your wife from the evil of the shaitaan and mankind. She is like a precious pearl that needs protecting from the envy of human devilsand shaitaan.
Show her your smile. Smile at your wife. ITS A CHARITY.
Small problems/ challenges can become a big problem. Or if there is small thing she didn’t like and you keep repeating them anyway, it will create a wall between you. Don’t ignore them as it can become big.
Avoid being harsh hearted and moody. Allah said of the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam ‘if you were harsh hearted they (the companions) would have left you.’ It confirms that the prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam was not harsh hearted, so GET RID OF IT.
Respect her thinking. It’s a strength for you. Show you like her thoughts and suggestions.
Help her to achieve her potential and help her to dig and find success within as her success is your success.
Respect the intimate relationship and its boundaries. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said she is like a fragile vessel and she needs to be treated tenderly. Sometime she may not be feeling well; you must respect and appreciate that feeling.
Help her to take care of the children. Some men think it makes them appear less of a man but in fact it makes you appear a bigger man and more respected, especially in the sight of Allah.
Use the gifts of the tongue and sweet talk her. Tell her she looks great, be an artist. Pick and choose gifts of the tongue.
Sit down and eat with her and share food with her.
Let her know you are travelling. Don’t tell her out of the blue as it’s against Islam. Tell her the date/ time of when you are coming back also.
Don’t leave the house as soon as trouble brews.
The house has privacy and secrecy. Once you take this privacy and secrecy to your friends and family you are in danger of putting a serious hole in your marriage. This secrecy stays home. Islam is against leaving them out like a garage sale for anyone to come and pick and choose.
Encourage each other for ibadah, i.e. plan a trip for hajj or umrah together. It increases and strengthens the love when you help each other perform a good deeds together i.e, do tahajuud together, or recite the Qur’an together or read an Islamic book together.
Know her rights, not only written in paper but engraved in your heart and engraved in your conscious.
Allah said ‘live with your wives in kindness.’ Treat them with kindness and goodness. It means in happy times and in sadness treat her with goodness and fairness.
Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam showed that at the time of intimacy Be caring and respectful.
When you have a dispute with your wife dont tell everyone. Its like leaving your wounds open to germs so be careful who you share your problems and disputes with.
Show your wife you really care for her health. Good health of your wife is your good health. To care for her health shows her that you love her.
Don’t think you are always right. No matter how good you are you have shortcomings. You are not perfect as the only one who was perfect in character was the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam. Get rid of this disease.
Share your problems, your happiness, and your sadness with her.
Have mercy on her weakness. Have mercy when she is weak or strong as she is the fragile vessel. Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said that your wife is a trust in your hand.
Remember you are her strength, someone to lean on in times of hardship.
Accept her as she is. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said that women are created from the rib which is bent. If you try to straighten her you will break her (divorce). Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said that you may dislike one habit in her but you will like another manner in her so accept her as she is.
Have good intention for your wife all the time, Allah monitors your intention and your heart at all times. Allah said Among His Signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.
May Allah fill our homes and hearts with tranquillity, love and mercy now and forever!!!
By: Mufti Faraz al-Mahmudi